Body Image and Self-Love

Self-love. Body Image. Those are words that hold a lot of meaning, and likely a lot of cringing in the year 2019. They’re something we try consistently to strive for, yet seemingly always fall short. I follow an inspiring therapist on Instagram (@mindfulmft) who recently blogged about this topic, and so much of what she said resonated with me. The premise of her post was such: before we can obtain love and empathy towards our bodies and selves, we must take an honest look at the things that we dislike. The things that we distract, numb from, and hide in the deepest places of our conscious. It may be helpful to then get curious with these things. Where did this self-loathing or dissatisfaction come from? Did you learn to label yourself, or speak words to yourself that are harsh and full of criticism? Did someone model that for you? Did someone say these things to you? Maybe you have a hard time due to social media, and the unrealistic stories that are held within the scrolling. It feels like an old adage at this point; however, social media is TRULY a highlight reel. I have to remind myself of that daily, especially when I am less than glamourously drinking a Diet Mountain Dew in my car and eating a dry sandwhich from the local Exxon. As I was saying, get curious with the loathing. Track the origins if you can.

Next, comes the re-wiring of your thoughts. This is kind of a spin off of cognitive-behavioral therapy. What are the things that you speak about yourself? Would you speak to a friend that way? If you put that thought on trial, would evidence support that label you’ve assigned to each flaw? Is it even rational? Are you comparing your body/image to those of a different life, a different body-type, and different priorities and values? For example, I fall into traps at times at looking at social media and seeing wonderfully beautiful men and women enjoying the beach in their swimsuits. I feel shame of the curves that rest beneath me. As I then reflect either momentarily or hours after, I realize…. Mel, you’re literally comparing yourself to someone who might work out for a living, or someone who might value different things than you do, in a different life circumstance, and oh did I mention.. A TOTAL STRANGER. When I think of it that way, I begin to laugh and realize how irrational my thought patterns can be.

I challenge you to work to actively change the ways in which you view yourself. You’re worth more than a singular label. You’re complex, unique, and worthy of kindness. Begin to speak to yourself in kind ways, even if at first it doesn’t land at the soul level. Create a boundary for the things that aren’t speaking love and kindness. That may be distancing yourself from criticism and those who don’t share your enthusiasm and vision. That may be creating boundaries around your social media time, or who you follow. It may be creating a boundary within yourself every time your internal dialogue tries to chime in, and you instead say HOLLDDDDD THE PHONEEEE, and actively replace those words with words that are rational, kind, and encouraging. Maybe you need someone to write you a letter telling you things they love about you. Ask for it. Maybe you need to write a letter to yourself of the things you wish you believed or would hear from someone. Maybe you write a letter to the inner critic, and tell them that they may see themselves out. Writing can be powerful. Speaking words out loud are powerful. Try it. It’s so uncomfortable. Society has taught us that noticing our strengths is arrogant. Society is wrong. Humbly acknowledging your worth and beauty is honoring to yourself, and others. Take up space. That space that you’ve taken up has brought you this far. You’ve been through a lot in that body of yours.

Reflect. Surround yourself with energy givers. Challenge your thoughts and re-wire that brain. Create boundaries. Speak kindness. Drop the labels.

I see you, and honor the space in which you reside.

xoxo,

Melanie