Conflict Style & Resolution

Conflict Styles and Resolution: At a Glance

As the title suggests, this will be a brief post about conflict styles, and will include a few tips on how to navigate the murky waters of difficult conversation.

In brevity, here are the different types…

avoiding- unassertive, side-steps issues, postpones dealing with things… best used when it is safer for you to postpone the problem. ( I suggest rarely engaging in this style, as it can become unfair and confusing for others involved)

accommodating- “whatever you want”, self-sacrifice.. best used when outcome truly does not matter to you.

compromising- both parties actively working to honor both opinions and desires, while also maintaining assertiveness.. best used when outcome is not crucial.

Collaborating- working together weighing pros and cons and keeping long-term goals in mind. Honors assertiveness and cooperativeness from each party…best used when outcome is crucial.

Competing- centers on aggressive communication, uncooperative, does not consider the needs of others… best to use when the relationship is not important, but the outcome is… (another that I suggest to rarely use due to the potential detriment of other people)

After looking at these at a glance… where do you fall? It is important to recognize where you naturally fall during times of calm vs. times of stress. My guess is that you may cycle through all of these at some point in time ( I know that I do).

When navigating a difficult conversation, it is vital that we recognize the physiological signals that our body is giving us. Do you get sweaty palms? A racing heart? Some fire in your belly? Tears? A feeling of shutting down? Once you become aware of what your body is communicating, it may be appropriate to take action that may help you manage your emotions and words. For example, do you need to ask for a break and take a walk because you’re on the cusp of rage, and on the brink of explosion in conflict? Do you need to use self-talk to keep you rooted in the conversation or moment due to your desire to flee?

As always, I encourage reflection. What is it about conflict that you do or do not enjoy? Why? Is it due to the context in which you were raised? Did someone model a certain style for you? Are you acting out of your own insecurity and fear? (*raises hand) Whatever it might be, keep in mind… you can ALWAYS teach an old dog new tricks. It’s not too late to make a change, or at least start working on the way in which you navigate uncomfortability.

Things to Remember:

·       Life will always include difficult conversations, and some conflict is inevitable

·       Take ownership. Use I-statements. (I feel ___(emotion)____ because ____(factual event or circumstance)_________)

·       Conflict can lead to GROWTH

·       You are allowed to agree to disagree